Judging Moms

Why do we, as women, always feel like we need to preface things with, "don't judge me"?  Or, "excuse the mess"?

A friend comes over and it is a mess... especially if you have kids.  "Excuse the mess, don't judge me." 
You don't have the time and energy and order take out for dinner.  "Don't judge me."
You decide you want to formula feed your baby.  "Excuse the mess, don't judge me."
You do extended breastfeeding way past 6 months.  "Don't judge me."

I don't understand.  I recently had a mom friend blow up at me on facebook, telling me, sarcastically, that I "must be a better mom because of breastfeeding, babywearing, and cloth diapering" and that she must be a "crappy mom" in her snark filled words.  Then, she called my mother and told her more of her pleasant opinion.  Mind you, I am in my 30s...

Whoa Nelly....  Where did that come from?  It went on to be a horrible attack on me. I tried not to take it personal, but it hurt.  Bad. What does my mothering have time do with anyone else's mothering?  It doesn't.  Not.  At.  All.

Since when does trying to be the best mom you can be make you dangerous to other women?  Why do we feel threatened?

Honestly, I think all moms are holding on by thin threads to our sanity. We blame ourselves for nothing. ... but for everything.  We worry constantly.  We all know that we are screwing up our kids somehow.  We judge ourselves all the time. 

What hurt most about this woman's attack was that she obviously felt like I judged her or thought lesser of her because of my parenting choices (that her and I had never discussed)... The sad part is I think she is a good mom, strong and intelligent woman-- obviously has to work on her friend skills, though... room to improve.

The even sadder thing is, most moms talk to themselves even worse.  It is so wrong. It needs to stop.  We need to start lifting each other up.  Encouraging each other.  Working together.  Helping one another.  We need to be our own support person and advocate for ourselves to be kind to our own person. 

How can we share our spirit with others when we are busy destroying it? 

Make a change today. Be a friend to yourself. Be a blessing to you, to your family, and to others.  Be kind.

P.S. I forgive you, Momma. You are stressed, trying to do the best you can for your family, and feel the pressure.  You are good enough, strong enough, and smart enough. Be confident in who you are and lift up other moms around you.  Other moms are not competition.